Have you ever felt stuck in your pain—emotionally or mentally—and found yourself obsessing over the "why" behind it? Maybe you experienced something difficult, like a breakup, a loss, or a past trauma. And instead of focusing on healing, you get caught in a loop, asking yourself, "Why did this happen to me? What did I do wrong?"
Here’s a powerful way to think about it: Imagine you’ve been bitten by a snake. The venom is running through your body, but instead of treating the wound, you’re fixated on catching the snake. You’re determined to figure out why it bit you and prove that you didn’t deserve it.
In the process, you’re missing the most important thing: the poison is still in your system.
The Trap of Overthinking
It’s totally normal to want to understand why things happen, especially when we’re hurt. We want answers. We want to make sense of our pain so it doesn’t feel as random or unjust. But sometimes, spending too much time focusing on the "why" can keep us stuck in the past, which makes it harder to heal in the present.
Just like trying to catch a snake doesn’t take away the poison from the bite, obsessing over the reasons behind your pain doesn’t heal the wound. It keeps you in the past, replaying what happened over and over. The more you dwell on it, the more you stay stuck.
Healing Starts by Focusing on the Now
When we experience emotional pain, healing is about focusing on what can be done now to feel better, not just understanding what caused it. Yes, understanding your past can be helpful in some ways, but the real work is in how you heal from it and move forward.
If you were bitten by a snake, the priority would be getting medical help, not chasing the snake. The same goes for emotional pain. The sooner you focus on the healing process—how you can care for yourself right now—the sooner you’ll start feeling better.
Shifting from "Why" to "How"
A big part of therapy is helping you shift your focus from the past to the present and future. Instead of constantly asking, "Why did this happen?" try asking yourself:
- What can I do to feel better today?
- What steps can I take to heal from this?
- What support do I need to move forward?
This shift in focus can be a game-changer. Instead of staying stuck in the hurt and confusion, you start taking active steps toward healing. And while you may never fully understand everything that’s happened in your past, focusing on the now gives you control over your recovery.
Letting Go of What You Can’t Change
One of the hardest things we face when we’ve been hurt is accepting that we may never have all the answers. You might never get to know exactly why something happened or if you deserved it. What matters is that you choose to focus on healing.
When you stop trying to catch the snake and start focusing on healing the bite, you give yourself the space to move forward. It’s about letting go of what you can’t change and taking action on what you can: your own well-being.
The Path to Healing
Healing is a journey, and it starts by shifting your energy from past pain to present healing. By focusing on what you can do now—whether it’s self-care, seeking support, or working through the pain in therapy—you’ll find that the healing process becomes much smoother.
At Sixth Sense By Deb, I work with clients to help them release the past and focus on moving forward. Through our sessions together, we can shift your mindset, change unhelpful patterns, and release emotional blockages so you can begin to heal from within.
You don’t have to let your past dictate your future. Instead of chasing the snake, focus on what you can do to heal the wound. You deserve to feel whole, empowered, and free from the poison of the past.
We can get stuck so easily in the past when we’re hurt. We want answers. We want to understand why things happened. But the more we focus on the past, the longer we stay in pain. Healing begins when we focus on the present, on what we can do to feel better right now.
If you’re ready to start healing and leave the past behind, I’d love to help you on your journey. Get in touch today, and let’s work together to find the peace and strength you deserve.
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